The Vegas finale: yes, FareCompare’s Elf dropped a bundle. No, not at the gaming tables (you’ll just have to watch the video…)

All in all, it was a fun night. And it was somehow touching to watch Grumpy Santa & Elf ride off into the sunset together. Well, into the neon.

Click “more” for the video. You’ll be glad you did.

FareCompare’s Elf has this handy little gadget called the Knee Defender; use it correctly, and the guy in front of you can’t lower his seat, which means his seat won’t crash into your knees.

Elf gave it a whirl, and by golly, it worked! Only problem is, that was Grumpy Santa seated in front of him, and he was not amused. Neither was the flight attendant.

Better take a look at the video, by clicking “more.”

Silly Elf. He was so excited to get on the motorcycle in Las Vegas, that he left his bag behind. Unattended. Just sitting there on the sidewalk at the airport.

But believe it or not, he actually got a phone call from the folks at Lost & Found. They kept it safe for him.

Meanwhile, Elf blamed Santa for all this. Hey, Elf—take a little responsibility, dude. Or review the video.

What comes to mind when Grumpy Santa and his pal Elf think, “Las Vegas”? Why, traditional Christmas carols, what else?

And that’s exactly what they got in Sin City: one of Santa’s favorites songs, sung by a sprightly group of young people.

Take a listen, and you’ll hear something really near and dear to Santa’s heart (just click “more”).

Generally, Santa is in the driver;s seat, behind an octet of reindeer. Not here. Not in Vegas.

Santa and his helper Elf are roaring along on a motorcycle. With Elf in command.

This doesn’t look good. Or does it? Check out the video by clicking “more.”

Grumpy Santa and Elf have patched things up. Watch them laugh together as they arrive in Las Vegas.

Notice them pass many slot machines. But they don’t even glance at them. What, did those costumes come without pockets for coins?

Well, take a look at the video (click “more”); maybe they’re up to something.

Elf is livin’ large up in First Class, but then again, since he’s 6-and-a-half-feet tall, he’s livin’ large everywhere he goes.

But he takes pity on Grumpy Santa, stuck back in Coach. He sends him a beer.

It is unclear whether it’s foreign or domestic. You’ll just have to watch the video for yourself (click “more”).

Poor Grumpy Santa. This was not his day. Or his flight. That rascal Elf is getting all the perks. Like flying in First Class.

Our intrepid Santa is stuck in Coach. We feel your pain, Santa.

Meanwhile, watch Elf swill what appears to be an alcoholic beverage, and generally have a swell time, by clicking “more.”

Watch our wee friend, the FareCompare elf, gives Grumpy Santa a hand. But Santa isn’t all that thrilled with Elf.

And that because once again, Elf is going to steal the spotlight. And he’s also stealing some “comfort” from Santa.

Take a look at the video; just click “more”.

One of my biggest regrets, is that I really didn’t get to see much of anything on my whirlwind trip. Sure, I hung out in New York City and Las Vegas, but I’ve been to both of those places several times.

The only “new” place I really got see was Billings, Montana and that was mainly from the inside of a health clinic.

So, I tried to keep track of places I would like to visit when I can actually spend some time there and when I’m not so broken and bitter.

Click “more” for my list of places to return to.

Traveling the country on a marathon trip like I’ve just finished is a real eye-opener. I’ve learned a few things.

No, nothing like “why is the sky blue” or even, “who really wants to receive a fruitcake as a Christmas gift”. No, what I’ve learned is…well, it has to do with what people are really like, and, CSI: Miami.

I’ve got a whole list of things like that; check out my Top 10 by clicking “more.”

Ho, ho, ho. Here’s where you learn who and what has been naughty and nice on my trip.

Want to know what airline my favorite flight attendants worked for? Or what city I got the great chicken-fried steak in?

strong>Well wonder no more. Once you click “more”, you get the complete rundown: my best/worst list!

As I said, that final flight was rough. We were delayed. We got stuck on the tarmac at LAX. When we finally got off the plane, we had to take 3-shuttles, and got kicked out of a cab, and…ah, who cares? We made it to LA. And I am coming home.

Oh, wait…that means I have to get on one more plane…

–GS

Grumpy Scale: 0

What’s on Grumpy Santa’s iTunes? Nothing. The suit is gone. Grumpy Santa is no more. I, however, am listening to Led Zeppelin 4 again. No better way to end a journey.

Of course, the final flight is by far…the worst.

But at least, it’s the last one. I keep expecting to get a call from HQ telling me they’ve figured out how I can pick up the states I missed (on account of blizzards and illness), and I’ll have to extend my trip a day or two.

OK, I’m just paranoid. This is it (I’ll be traveling home in my street clothes, so I don’t count that flight). And, if there is any Good left in the world, I will never see the Santa suit again.

So, the last and worst flight. Why the worst? Well, children had something to do with that, as you’ll see when you click “more”.

Ah, Las Vegas! I cruised the strip on a sweet, 3-wheeled hog! More on that below, but first, let me wrap up my adventure in Billings, Montana!

I spent the early part of the day in Billings sleeping late. (In case you didn’t read this, I got sick.) This meant I had to drop some states. Sorry, Dakotas, perhaps our paths shall cross one day.

Feeling a little better, I stepped made my way to a small diner with hot food. It was nice; I didn’t have to “unwrap” a meal while running between planes, and my chicken-fried steak reminded me of home.

I liked Billings and everyone I met there, but it is the only place where I got sideways looks even when not wearing the Santa suit. Granted I looked like a mad man at this point, but I kind of got a weird Children of the Corn vibe even though there were no children or corn. Now, we’re getting to Vegas, so click “more”.

Here’s the latest: I wasn’t feeling so hot when I got into Billings, Montana last night; so my colleagues arranged for me to see a doctor, AND, even better, they cut today’s schedule way down.

I’m afraid we’re losing some states from my epic journey, but between the 10-hours of sleep I had and the antibiotics, I’m a new man! Well, no, I’m still a slightly run-down, unshaven, disheveled man, but I am doing better.

Anyway, the doctor’s visit was the finale of a terrible day…the worst of it? The Very Worst? Click “more” if you dare…

I can now say, they are trying to get you fired up about flying with them. The pilot sounded like an early morning deejay. He was all, “Hey, welcome to ExpressJet! We’re going to have a great flight! The weather’s is great, our crew is fantastic, and we’ve got dollar beers in the back!”

He actually said, “We’ve got dollar beers in the back.” Had it not been 7:00 am, I might have taken him up on that.

But, see what I did take them up on…by clicking “more”.

For all the hipsters in NY and LA who say the Midwest is “flyover” country, I say, fie! It is the land of cookies like your mother used to make.

Watch me eat them. And later in the video, watch me tell you about my adventures with hand lotion!

All coming up next…just as soon as you click “more”.

Here I am, leaving the airport, and heading for the pool (notice how I keep my Santa suit on, even there).

Then, Santa meets the Harley. Lookin’ good! But then, the bummer: when I made a purchase, notice how I was told, “Santa, I need a picture ID!”

Ouch! Thought most people would recognize me by now…

Anyway, click “more” to see the video.

I remember when Sundays were the “calm before the storm”, the fall-asleep-on-the-couch time, or as the Bangles say, “My fun day, my I-don’t-have-to-run day.”

But for me, Sunday was 6-flights to places that were ridiculously cold. Pioneer cold (”your-wagon-train-broke-down-in-the-snow-and-there’s-no-food-or-firewood” kind of cold).

That alone sent me into a grumpy downward spiral. But now, the flipping icing on the cake. I am left to carry on…alone!!! Keep reading….

Hey, I had some fun with a flight attendant who commandeered my Santa suit (poor woman…it’s been a loooong time between dry-cleanings).

And then we met a special guest on the plane.

A U.S. soldier, coming home…after being away a year-and-a-half.

Listen to him talk about his 3-year old daughter, by clicking “more”…

I think Milwaukee might be my new favorite city in the country. The Milwaukee airport shut down (snow storm) long enough to miss our flights to Des Moines–Denver–Wichita. So, we threw in the towel and decided to stay put.

Best decision ever.

I got to the hotel around 6:30pm. Early for us! And, I was in a suite, so I could recline on the couch and watch TV (closest thing to home since I’ve been on the road) I had the best dinner of the entire trip (so far).. Then I slept for nine hours.

Read about meeting Laverne & Shirley and Brett Favre…by clicking “more”.

Ah JFK Airport. Most of us have experienced it a time or three, enough to know that this is one airport that won’t put you in the Holiday Spirit.

After 7-days and 25-states and 30-flights, it reduced Grumpy Santa to chatting with a resident airport bird that was hanging out under his seat.

Santa was a little worried about this bird, but they nevertheless discussed a variety of topics related to Santa’s trip, and his “favorite” airport …

Okay, first we went to Rockefeller Center at night to shoot the pretty tree there; you know, that huge sucker with all those beautiful lights.

Well, the lights were off.

So we went back in the day time, and were told, nope, can’t shoot the tree. My cameraman argued. What happened? Just click “more”…

Still in NYC, still trying to get on a morning show, but Diane Sawyer won’t see me. Don’t want Santa on the show because you’re feeling a little threatened, Diane?

Not enough room for 2-big stars, hmmm?

Never mind. Me and my posse, the elves had a good time. Just hit “more” and watch!