As I said, that final flight was rough. We were delayed. We got stuck on the tarmac at LAX. When we finally got off the plane, we had to take 3-shuttles, and got kicked out of a cab, and…ah, who cares? We made it to LA. And I am coming home.

Oh, wait…that means I have to get on one more plane…

–GS

Grumpy Scale: 0

What’s on Grumpy Santa’s iTunes? Nothing. The suit is gone. Grumpy Santa is no more. I, however, am listening to Led Zeppelin 4 again. No better way to end a journey.

Ah, Las Vegas! I cruised the strip on a sweet, 3-wheeled hog! More on that below, but first, let me wrap up my adventure in Billings, Montana!

I spent the early part of the day in Billings sleeping late. (In case you didn’t read this, I got sick.) This meant I had to drop some states. Sorry, Dakotas, perhaps our paths shall cross one day.

Feeling a little better, I stepped made my way to a small diner with hot food. It was nice; I didn’t have to “unwrap” a meal while running between planes, and my chicken-fried steak reminded me of home.

I liked Billings and everyone I met there, but it is the only place where I got sideways looks even when not wearing the Santa suit. Granted I looked like a mad man at this point, but I kind of got a weird Children of the Corn vibe even though there were no children or corn. Now, we’re getting to Vegas, so click “more”.

Here’s the latest: I wasn’t feeling so hot when I got into Billings, Montana last night; so my colleagues arranged for me to see a doctor, AND, even better, they cut today’s schedule way down.

I’m afraid we’re losing some states from my epic journey, but between the 10-hours of sleep I had and the antibiotics, I’m a new man! Well, no, I’m still a slightly run-down, unshaven, disheveled man, but I am doing better.

Anyway, the doctor’s visit was the finale of a terrible day…the worst of it? The Very Worst? Click “more” if you dare…

I remember when Sundays were the “calm before the storm”, the fall-asleep-on-the-couch time, or as the Bangles say, “My fun day, my I-don’t-have-to-run day.”

But for me, Sunday was 6-flights to places that were ridiculously cold. Pioneer cold (”your-wagon-train-broke-down-in-the-snow-and-there’s-no-food-or-firewood” kind of cold).

That alone sent me into a grumpy downward spiral. But now, the flipping icing on the cake. I am left to carry on…alone!!! Keep reading….

I think Milwaukee might be my new favorite city in the country. The Milwaukee airport shut down (snow storm) long enough to miss our flights to Des Moines–Denver–Wichita. So, we threw in the towel and decided to stay put.

Best decision ever.

I got to the hotel around 6:30pm. Early for us! And, I was in a suite, so I could recline on the couch and watch TV (closest thing to home since I’ve been on the road) I had the best dinner of the entire trip (so far).. Then I slept for nine hours.

Read about meeting Laverne & Shirley and Brett Favre…by clicking “more”.

Day 7 started out right. I got to sleep in a little (usually been waking up between 4:00 and 5:00am), and then I got to run around NYC.

I’ll admit, I’ve never been in love with New York, but it was great. The people there aren’t at all surprised to see a scraggly dude in a Santa suit wandering around the streets. I was not the biggest weirdo around, that’s for sure.

Then on to the Today show…where in the world is Matt Lauer???? Find out…

Day 5 was a breeze. We only had 3-flights and not one of them was over an hour. The last one was only 20-minutes long, the shortest flight yet (JFK to Hartford).

Earlier, spent some time at the airport in Burlington, VT. Lovely. Only wish I had a chance to actually see how pretty the state was.

Meanwhile, we were delayed leaving Burlington on our way to JFK, and I could tell the slew of NY hipsters on the plane were afraid they were going to be late for their irony party in DUMBO or their appointment to artfully mess up their hair.

Ready? I’m about to tell you what makes Santa SICK!!!

I did most of my ranting in my “Delay Post,” so I’m going to lay off the daily rant and keep this one positive.So, I missed the Providence flight.

But I swear to the good people of Rhode Island, if it’s the only state I have missed as this thing starts to come to an end, I will make it there.

I know for a fact the folks back at home are already concocting mad schemes to make it happen. After the Providence delay I ran into some problems with US Airways.

Since I missed that flight, I missed the first leg (out of Providence back to Philadelphia) of a two-leg journey (I’m flying on from Philadelphia to Burlington, VT).

Once you miss the first leg of a trip, you’re automatically canceled for the following leg.

This is not looking good…and it only got worse….

I have to admit when I woke up yesterday I was dreading the seven flights we had lined up.

I was exhausted, pretty miserable, and under the impression that taking seven flights in a single day was physically impossible. Things looked bad early, but when we landed in St. Louis, we were greeted by a FareCompare angel named Mary.

She flew out from Dallas just to meet us, bringing real food for lunch, some fresh clothes, and delicious Ghiradelli chocolate (you can make that check payable to “cash,” Ghiradelli).

Mary’s visit really brightened things up as I headed out on the remaining flights. It turns out if all seven flights are only about an hour each, so, it’s not really that bad. I can’t believe I just said that.

Then, things took a turn for the worse….

Just to keep you updated: Day 2 started out wonderfully. I got a quick lesson on flying with one of the pilots on my Southwest flight, and everything was looking up.

Then, we made the switch to AirTran, and everything seemed to go downhill from there.

It’s not AirTran’s fault really, but they did put us on the narrowest, most cramped plane I’ve been on.

After a few AirTran flights and two on US Air, I arrived in the magical land of Orlando, and all hell broke loose. Word of advice …

The Grumpy Scale

The Grumpy Scale measures from 1 to 5…5 being grumpiest. I tied each number to a “beloved” holiday movie icon to make things more festive. Here’s how it breaks down.

• 1 - Buddy the Elf, Elf - blindly optimistic.
• 2 - Abominable Snow Man, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer - serious tooth pain, general yelling
• 3 - Clark Griswold, Christmas Vacation - screaming at in-laws; stringing together obscenities
• 4 - The Grinch, The Grinch that Stole Christmas - my shoes are too tight. Or maybe my head isn’t screwed on just right.
• 5 - Louis Winthorpe III, Dan Akroyd in Trading Places - grizzled, bitter, broken, getting fish stuck in my Santa beard

-GS