For all the hipsters in NY and LA who say the Midwest is “flyover” country, I say, fie! It is the land of cookies like your mother used to make.

Watch me eat them. And later in the video, watch me tell you about my adventures with hand lotion!

All coming up next…just as soon as you click “more”.

Woo-Hoo! Kansas City marks my fifth frisking. To be honest, I went many, many flights without getting frisked at all, but now, it’s been 2-airports in a row. And since I look scarier everyday, I imagine the pace of the friskings will pick up.

OK, so a pale, somewhat crazed and wild-eyed guy wearing a Santa suit and lugging a bag of electronic equipment is probably a pretty good candidate for extra screening. But the 87-year old woman with 17 great-grandchildren I sat next to on the flight from New Orleans?

She was frisked too, but I suppose that’s what makes the security checks random.

But you want to know my BIGGEST beef?